LeAnn Rimes Suing Her Dentist

(Poor LeAnn.  Just clean it up, with Orbitz!)

LeAnn Rimes is reportedly suing her dentist because of a misdiagnosis.  Because of this Rimes has said she's had to go through 9 root canals and suffers now from a cosmetic deficiency.

So you sue the dentist, but not the plastic surgeon for making you look like you're wearing a tiki mask at all times.

Kim Kardashian Taken Out For Valentines Day

(She looks like Vanessa Hudgens mom while Kanye looks like a giant douche as usual)

Kim was gonna get you drunk, get you drunk off her baby hump last night as her baby daddy Kanye took her out to dinner for Valentines dinner last night.  E! News of course reported this story showing the Instagram photo of the bracelet Kanye bought Kim. 

It's diamond panther on a strap.  Because I needed another reason to make a sex panther joke.

Kanye ended the night at dinner by looking into Kim's eyes and saying, "Imma let you finish."  

Conditions On Carnival Triumph

(It's like the ghost of the Titanic.)

The Carnival Triumph is a ship that's been sailing since 1999, yep this ship was new when Britney Spears was.  The ship was stalled in the middle of the ocean on Feb 10th after an engine room fire caused complete loss of power and propulsion.  

Passengers on the ship have now been stranded at sea for three days.  The employees at the concierge desk have issued a white flag to the passengers aborad the ship saying quote, "We're sorry, but we have no more rooms to upgrade you to."  

We've heard reports that passengers have been forced to eat onion sandwiches due to the lack of food.  Two thoughts:

1. Why wouldn't you just eat bread instead of eating bread that makes you cry.
2. I bet you're thinking twice about that 5th burger you had the other day.

3 days without power and minimal food have proven to be to much for many passengers, with many upset that they were not able to charge their phones.   Passengers have also been asked to use the toilet as little as possible.  The crew has now changed its opinion of men peeing over the side from, "This will not be tolerated," to, "You've been eating onion sandwiches for a day and a half, go for it!"

The ship should dock later on today in Alabama, where it will most likely be converted into a Dixie Stampede.

Miley Cyrus Vs Perez Hilton

(Oh lord Jesus it's a catfight!)

Miley Cyrus is now at war with Perez Hilton over something he said on Twitter about her cheating on her soon to be husband.

This feud is reportedly heating up quickly.  Tweets are being sent out by the dozen and videos are said to be in the waiting.  The US Government reports that if this feud continues to escalate the number of US brain cells lost could be in the millions.

This feud is sponsored by Forever 21.  Where you can look like a classy skank, even on a dime.

Jeff Probst's Talk Show Cancelled

(The guy from Survivor)

Pictured above is Jeff Probst, the guy that hosts Survivor.  I know what you're thinking, it's two things:

1. Survivor is still a show?
2. That guy had a talk show?

The answer to both of these questions is YES!  

The great minds at CBS have decided that Jeff Probst is only able to handle one show.  Files that I recovered while sneaking around CBS Studios dressed as Kat Dennings.

(Convincing Right?  My tits looked awesome.)

The files I obtained explained in details the strain put on Jeff Probst: leaking oil, a malfunctioning left arm, and a several attempts at setting fire to the set of The Big Bang Theory.  Until these issues can be addressed officials of CBS are only letting Probst handle his normal Survivor duties: looking off in the corner at all times, speaking in a mundane tone, and putting out torches.

Word is also out that The Ricki Lake Show has also been cancelled due to the crew complaining about the studio frequently smelling of North Pacific Cod.

Taylor Swift Hates Daryl Hannah

(Yes, I stole this photo from the person that took it after it was stole from them by E! News)

Today a long standing question finally has an answer and that answer is YES!  Earlier today Daryl Hannah was arrested along with a group of other protesters after they handcuffed themselves to the White House fence to protest some big pipe that's being made to bring Canadian Oil to Texas.

Also arrested was this guy:

(I got this photo from the same post on E! News, did the same person take it?  I don't really care.)

This guy banged Taylor Swift.  They dated, they broke up, she wrote a song.  But Taylor Swift was the one that called the police about these guys hanging on the White House fence like cheap Hallmark Christmas Decorations.  This is proven by Taylor not saying where she was and what she was doing all day today.  To prevent this from being true, Taylor should have sent a tweet every minute today.  But she failed to cover her tracks.

Also found this photo:

(Oh boy, she looks the opposite of happy.)

Taylor has one this battle in the Taylor Vs Daryl saga.

The history of Taylor Swift VS Daryl Hannah is a long one.  We all remember that faithful day back in 1864 where Swift's father was killed by Hannah and her lover William Raskenburg IV.  This incident is fondly remembered as the Drunken Carriage Murder of 1864.  As everyone knows Hannah and Raskenburg left the pub and took reigns of their horse, along the way home Swift's father was trampled.

The following is a photo taken just before the tragic incident.

(The man on the back was known as the Behind You On Your Carriage Killer, luckily this was his last ride.)

This rivalry will not be settled and today's battle is over.  We all however know that Swift and Hannah's war is to the death.

Until the next clash.